Two friends’ passing comes with a painful lesson: ‘Loss is unavoidable, grief is not linear’ 

  

A few Mondays ago, while doom scrolling Facebook, I stumbled upon a photo of my friend Yesenia. Attached were the details of a GoFundMe announcing her sudden passing. Shock and disbelief were my immediate reactions, followed by the familiar feeling of grief that has accompanied me in recent years as personal losses have accumulated faster than I am able to process them.  

Attending Yesenia’s visitation was painful. I thought about how unfair her being gone was– someone so funny, kind, and full of life. While paying my respects, I was also reminded of another friend, Mallory, who passed away in March. Grief is long-lasting and can reactivate at any time in response to a loss. Unlike after Yesenia’s passing, I unfortunately could not attend Mallory’s service, and I wish I had the opportunity to properly say goodbye to her. Loss is unavoidable, grief is not linear, and the holiday season reminds us that “moving on” is a myth.  

Being that I am no stranger to grief, I know that there are many aspects to grief outside of death, and that grief is a universal experience. With the holiday season upon us, so are the many nuances of joy and grief associated with the winter months. The pressure to be in the holiday spirit is a contributing factor to the feelings of loneliness, depression and sadness that can occur alongside holiday festivities, especially for those who are missing lost loved ones. According to a study in the Journal of Loss and Trauma, 78% of individuals experiencing grief feel increased loneliness during the holiday season due to memories tied to those who passed and societal expectations of holiday cheer. 

Additionally, seasonal affective disorder is a yearly challenge that is both personal and prevalent in 1-10% of the population across the United States. Less daylight can affect one’s mood and sleep schedule, worseningthe role of grief during the holiday season. Balancing pronounced grieving, holiday stressors and seasonal shifts can make this time of year overwhelming while simultaneously practicing gratitude.  

If my grief has taught me anything, it has taught me to reach out to friends when they cross my mind, remember those who have passed and cherish loved ones who are present. Extending grace to oneself at this emotionally taxing season is essential.  

Grief does not shrink. We learn to grow around it, to coexist with it. During the long nights and quiet moments when the waves hit, I remember: “What is grief if not love persevering?”